Waxing Philosophical: What I didn't know about Coca Cola ...

Today I'm feeling a little bit grateful for the fizzy brown fluid (that was originally green ... really), so I'm going to go off on a tangent (something writers have a tendency to do) and write a list of things I didn't know, some things I did, and other random, crazy, and some disturbing facts about the bubbly beverage. (And maybe you didn't know them either.)

Now, so you know, none of these ideas have been endorsed by the Coca Cola Company. And some of these things seem pretty cock-eyed to me and I wouldn't try them. That said, if anybody, namely the big big multi-billion dollar Coca Cola company, feels like suing me, they're not gonna get a whole lot out of it. (Is that a good enough disclaimer?)

• Coca Cola was invited by John Pemberton in 1886 and was marketed as the "cure all" for a whole slew of ailments including: morphine addiction, dyspepsia, neurasthenia, headaches, and impotence (this, remember is PRE Viagra)
• Santa Claus used to have a blue outfit until Coca Cola, more specifically Haddon Sundblom (a Michigan artist), dressed him in red in 1931. Three decades of Coca Cola ads with a fat Santa have molded how we "perceive" Santa to be.
• When things are a bit too "runny", Coke seems to take care of it. (This I tried. And it could be timing, synchronicity, whatever. But as soon as I started drinking it, ahhhhh.)
• Pour Coca Cola on a jellyfish sting. (Less gross than peeing on it.)
• The Navy uses Coca Cola to preserve submarines. (Yes. Remember you're ingesting this liquid)
• Coca Cola is great for cleaning tile grout. (Yes, I've done this. It works.) Oooh, my intestines are all-aflame!
• It's sold in over 200 countries.
• A can of Coca-Cola (330 millilitres (12 imp fl oz; 11 US fl oz)) contains 35 grams (1.2 oz), or 7-8 teaspoons, of sugar.
• Soft drinks lower calcium levels and higher phosphate levels in the bloodstream which, in turn, strip bones of calcium ... you do the math. You drink lots. Your bones will suffer. Ick.
• It can remove oil, carpet, and any number of other kinds of stains that industrial-strength detergents cannot.

And these masterminds of marketing have a pretty great stack of slogans under their sleeves: (How's that for unnecessary alliteration?)

• (1891) The Ideal Brain Tonic./The Delightful Summer-Winter beverage.
• (1927) Around the corner from anywhere.
• (1945) Passport to refreshment.
  
• (1948) When there's Coke, there's hospitality. (You think Kim Jong-Il knows this? Somebody send him a case of Coke, for God's sake!)
• (1971) I'd like to buy the world a Coke. (Remember this one? With everybody singing and holding candles??)
• (2007) Live on the Coke Side of Life.
  
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Okay. Enough said. It's random. It's pretty useless however interesting. And my stomach is ever-so-grateful for it today. That said, I probably won't be buying a bunch tomorrow.