The Universal Grossness of Parenthood

I'm finally about to hit the year-mark in what I fondly refer to as "baby boot camp." My daughter will be one on February 22, and it seems like this year went sometimes at warp speed, and other times at a crawl. (Honest to God those first three months, I was allotted more than standard twenty-four hour day.)
Christine (Yep our super Christine who is now madly working on revisions for her novel) said, "Parenthood is filled with long days and short years."
I kind of tweaked it: "Parenthood is filled with long days, longer nights, and short years."
And having reached the year mark, I couldn't agree more.

That said, I've been reflecting on something: The Universal Grossness of Parenthood. (Something like the Unbearable Lightness of Being without so much philosophy.)
So I, too, have joined the ranks of those who have the honor to carry the title -- parent. And to prove it, I have passed the following tests ...

1. I now spit on kleenex, tissues, or other fabric-like materials to wipe off my daughter's face.
2. I don't think twice about sticking my finger in the back of a diaper to "make sure" it wasn't just gas. (Though I don't really recommend this if you're not at home near a sink and soap. And a DEFINITE no-no with long nails.)
3. "Once-tasted" fruit that has been thrown on the floor has been designated its own food group in our home -- one I admit I rather like.
4. I'll spend an entire day thinking everybody around me stinks -- or the city has some kind of weird odor issue -- only to realize, when I get home, I forgot to wash the spit up off my shoulder or I have some kind of pureed substance on my person.
5. "What's thatsmell?" is a common question for me.
6. Sleep isn't an option anymore. And I'm okay with that. (Thank God for Caffeine)
7. Blow-outs are a regular part of a day. In fact what comes out of that little body is NOT proportional to what goes in. Babies defy the law of conservation of mass and matter.

Really, though, what a gift this year has been. I'm so so lucky. And hell, I never slept well beforehand anyway.

Shameless Self Promotion

It's always fun to google yourself and actually find something. And even better when they're GOOD things. So here are some blogs and cool reviews for FREEZE FRAME! Yay!

http://yalsa.ala.org/blog/2008/07/30/books-to-watch-out-for-freeze-frame-by-heidi-ayarbe/

(This was my first starred review from a while back. It still makes me feel all fuzzy inside!)

http://thebookmuncher.blogspot.com/2008/08/freeze-frame-by-heidi-ayarbe.html

http://www.readerviewskids.com/ReviewAyarbeFreezeFrame.html

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3779937.Freeze_Frame

http://greasy.com/lunarhunk/freeze_frame_heidi_ayarbe.html

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0PBX/is_6_42/ai_n31030029/pg_1

http://karinlibrarian.wordpress.com/

http://mutantangel.blogspot.com/2009/02/2008s-freeze-frame-by-heidi-ayarbe.html




Now, I'm just getting techie smart and do these "google updates" so I know when someone's talking about me -- good or bad. But that's the thing. In this funky business, I just need to be talked about! (Certainly, though, I'm LOVING the good stuff! It's all that ego, you know.)

Heidi

Eight is Enough ... Apparently Not ...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/01/31/nadya-suleman-octuplets-m_n_162756.html

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090206/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

I just have one question. Are our tax dollars going to be supporting this woman and her rampant irresponsibility? What about these children? Now eight newborns and six other brothers and sisters ages two to seven with no father and a grandma that apparently doesn't want anything to do with this.

I'm incensed. Comments welcome.

Stephen vs Stephenie

I like this cat fight that Christine found. And it brings up several issues as both readers and writers that I'd LOVE to chat about and hear from you. (Are you out there?) Okay, maybe we'll hear from three. But it'll be fun nevertheless.

1. Should writers ALWAYS support other writers?
2. When we criticize other writers do we come off as pompous, jealous, cynical, all of the above?

I read the article. Stephen King obviously doesn't think Meyer can write herself out of a paper bag (though I think her banker would say otherwise).

Just to tip the scales a bit, I've found a pretty much "documented" criticism of STephen King's writing:


"Critics praise King as a stylist whose characterizations are much better than those that are generally found in Gothic suspense novels. He is criticized, however, for lack of originality in plot and for being derivative in a field that too easily lends itself to imitation and cliché."


So, let's hear it. And to be fair, I'll start off with my $.02.

I don't think writers should support other writers simply because we're in the same business. If King thinks Meyer writes poorly, why can't he say so? He takes a BIG risk coming off as arrogant, petulant, and pretty harsh, but were he a critic for, say, the NYT or something, people wouldn't be in such a big huff. HOWEVER because he did seem to go on and on, I think he came off as a touch, ummmmm, petty. Good enough. He doesn't like her work. Fair game. She's still going to be a millionaire as is he.

I think more constructive criticism from writers, though, would come off as less arrogant and more professional. I don't feel like we should always be cheerleaders to other writers. It's a subjective business.

What do you think as readers? Writers? When you hear criticisms from other writers?

So, let's hear it. Stephen vs Stephenie ... where do you stand?

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."
Oscar Wilde

Woah, there!

Yes, it's a picture of a cat fight.

So, apparently Stephen King did some trash talking about Stephenie Meyer earlier this week. Link here: http://blogs.usaweekend.com/whos_news/2009/02/exclusive-steph.html

Does he sound just a TOUCH jealous to anyone else? Like, maybe he wishes *he'd* thought up the good, sexy vampire idea?

I dunno. I think writers slamming other writers for their writing is really unfortunate. (That was quite a sentence I just penned there.) It's a small business. It's hard. Everyone's taste is different and there's no accounting for the market. Snarking is too easy, in my opinion. If someone's a pompous jerk, then call them on it. But accusing someone of being a bad writer? That helps exactly no one in my book!

What's with Football?

Okay. I just have to say this, "I don't get it." I just CAN'T get into a game that says there are three minutes plus left over and they play another thirty. It's like when my husband says, "Yeah. Let's go," when I'm ready to leave a party and an hour later, we're still there saying goodbye. Like they say in Colombia, "People here say goodbye more than a bad circus."
But football.
I don't get it.
I don't like it.
It's all too much of ... huddling, too-fast-plays, huddling, butt-pats, coaches speaking through fancy-schmancy microphones calling out plays while the quarterback probably has some gizmo blackberry that shows the field in 3D to doublecheck the play then they call another huddle and call out numbers, then a blur of movement, then ... And only twenty seconds have gone by.
Like I said. I don't get it.
Hmmm ... maybe the game IS Colombian at heart.

The Great Philosophy of Calvin and Hobbes

I thought we could all use a little something to spice February up ...


A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.

Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me.

What's the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?

I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life ... Procrastinating and rationalizing.

I have a hammer! I can put things together! I can knock things apart! I can alter my environment at will and make an incredible din all the while! Ah, it's great to be male!

I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information